Sunday Funnies 141116

The Sunday Funnies word of the week is hindsight:

hind-sight |ˈhīn(d)ˌsīt|

noun

understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed : with hindsight, I should never have gone.

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Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

–Leroy "Satchel" Paige

An Old Joke: A fellow I know swallowed his contact lenses after forgetting that he had placed them in a cup next to the sink. Now he has 20/20 hindsight.

1. In hindsight, this comic should have appeared in last week's documentary collection.

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2. Literal Interpretation Hindsight

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3. Future Hindsight

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4. Plausible Deniability Hindsight

No, how did that get back there?

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5. Historic Hindsight

Later in life, Sherman rediscovered the WABAC machine.

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6. Genetically Modified Hindsight

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7. Delusional Hindsight

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8. Terrific Hindsight (in the original sense of the word)

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9. Grammatical Hindsight

...and tomorrow she'll tell you never to split an infinitive.

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10. Midterm Election Hindsight (or is it foresight?)

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11. Hindsight More Terrific Than That Of Young Stephen King

Stephen King's monsters are fictional creations. President Obama's monsters control both houses of Congress.

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12. Selective Hindsight

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13. Insight!

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Veterans Day (Curmudgeon Edition)

Today is the day Americans honor the brave men and women who have fought and died defending and protecting our liberty.

Today elected officials will profess their support for veterans and merchants will offer them special Veterans Day discounts. Meanwhile, many veterans sit, wounded and waiting, to receive the benefits their government promised them when they signed up to serve.

America's veterans have kept their promise to America; but, thanks to folks like those in the picture below, the elected representatives of our government are able to renege on the promises made to America's veterans.

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The fault, however, does not lie solely with dolts like these, it rests equally upon the shoulders of the millions of Americans who did not even bother to vote last week but who gladly pay lip service to veterans one day a year.

I have come to the conclusion that for a large number of Americans, supporting veterans means nothing beyond wearing a flag pin on one's lapel, sticking a yellow, plastic ribbon made in China on a gas-guzzling SUV, and sending emails to friends and relatives filled with pictures from various armed conflicts bearing the words "Never Forget."

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Am I cynical? Possibly. Am I angry about this? Without a doubt.

Election Postmortem (Lame Duck Edition)

For those who came in late and those who didn't vote, here's a succinct  explanation of how we got to where we find ourselves after last week's midterm election.

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...and when the novelty wears off, those who formerly clamored for character and integrity discard their one-time champion and return hat-in-hand to those who previously bought their votes and are more than willing to do so again with the same litany of snake oil promises and lies about protecting individual freedom.

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Sunday Funnies 141109

The Sunday Funnies word of the week is documentary:

doc-u-men-ta-ry |ˌdäkyəˈmentərē|adjectiveconsisting of official pieces of written, printed, or other matter : his book is based on documentary sources.• (of a movie, a television or radio program, or photography) using pictures or interviews with people involved in real events to provide a factual record or report : he has directed documentary shorts and feature films.noun ( pl. -ries)a movie or a television or radio program that provides a factual record or report.
Disclaimer: Although by definition documentaries deal with facts, the content and commentary in this collection is, in fact, primarily fiction.

1. Entitlement - What's In A Name?

In the world of Frank and Ernest documentaries, there's an opportunity for punning in every title.

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2. The Demise of Blockbuster, A Docudrama In Two Acts

Followup Study: How many VCRs and DVDs of movies you bought and watched once are sitting on your bookshelves gathering dust?

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3. It's About Time #1

Genesis - The Masculine Version

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4. It's About Time #2

Genesis - The Feminine Version

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5. Imperial Rome

Then...

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and Now

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6. Mob Children, Learning The Family Business

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7. The American Electoral System, Just How Id-iotic is it?

For more on this subject, check out yesterday's blog post.

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8. Reformation Redux

Theses one you won't want to miss.

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9. America's Best Interest - A 60 Minutes Investigation

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10. Up the Potomac - ANational Geographic Special

Synopsis: The first African American President of the United States attempts to paddle against the prevailing political current and is stymied by:

• an obstructionist GOP-controlled House of Representatives.

• GOP filibusters in the Senate.

• members of his own party, who undercut his initiatives to protect their assets.

• a selfish and ignorant electorate, which refuses to vote yet expects the President they elected to perform miracles without their support.

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11. SPF, The Case for Global Warming - A Nature Special

After this documentary airs, sales of sunscreen are expected to soar, but the prospect of meaningful legislative action is still shady.

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12. SAT-istics - Examining American Education

Summary: TMI, AWHFY, DILLIGAS? (Click here if you need a refresher course in modern, simplified English.)

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Dumbocrats, Republicants, and Chickens In Depends

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Tuesday's election results prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that America's political parties are in need of rebranding. Their current names are essentially tautological platitudes devoid of any meaningful information as to how they and their members operate.

dem-o-crat | ˈdeməˌkrat |noun1 an advocate or supporter of democracy.2 ( Democrat) a member of the Democratic Party.ORIGIN late 18th cent. (originally denoting an opponent of the aristocrats in the French Revolution of 1790): from French démocrate, on the pattern of aristocrate ‘aristocrat.’

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re-pub-li-can | rəˈpəbləkən |adjective(of a form of government, constitution, etc.) belonging to, or characteristic of a republic.• advocating or supporting republican government : the republican movement.noun1 a person advocating or supporting republican government.2 ( Republican) a member or supporter of the Republican Party.DERIVATIVESrepublicanism |-ˌnizəm| noun

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in-de-pend-ent | ˌindəˈpendənt |adjective1 free from outside control; not depending on another's authority : the study is totallyindependent of central government | Canada's largest independent investment firm.• (of a country) self-governing : India became independent in 1947.• not belonging to or supported by a political party : the independent candidate.• (of broadcasting, a school, etc.) not supported by public funds.• not influenced or affected by others; impartial : a thorough and independent investigation of the case.• ( Independent) historical Congregational.2 not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence : I wanted to remainindependent in old age.• capable of thinking or acting for oneself : advice for independent travelers.• (of income or resources) making it unnecessary to earn one's living : a woman of independent means.3 not connected with another or with each other; separate : we need two independent witnesses to testify | the legislature and the judicature are independent of each other.• not depending on something else for strength or effectiveness; freestanding : an independent electric shower.• Mathematics (of one of a set of axioms, equations, or quantities) incapable of being expressed in terms of, or derived or deduced from, the others.nounan independent person or body.• an independent political candidate, voter, etc.• ( Independent) historical a Congregationalist.DERIVATIVESindependently adverb

ORIGIN early 17th cent. (as an adjective): partly on the pattern of Frenchindépendant.

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Instead of these meaningless monikers I hereby propose the following upgrades to party nomenclature:

1. From now on, Democrats will be known as Dumbocrats.
This change would clearly describe how the party operates by cleverly conflating the adjective dumb and the proper noun Dumbo as follows:

The party leaders and the general membership have shown that they are absolutely dumb, as in mute, speechless, tongue-tied, silent, at a loss for words whenever it is most important for them to tell the truth  to the electorate. In 2010 there was absolute silence about the fact the winners of state races would get to redraw the map of congressional districts. This year the silence was deafening regarding the successes racked up by President Obama and their party in the face of 100% obstructionism from the GOP.

In this way the party regularly validates the accuracy of having a jackass as its mascot. This is no ordinary jackass, however. It is actually an elephant in donkey's clothing, and its name is Dumbo.

2. From now on, Republicans will be known as Republicants.

This change also utilizes a conflation, that of the noun cant and the contraction can't (sans apostrophe), to better describe how the party operates.

The once proud party of Lincoln, which once championed the abolition of slavery and afterword enfranchisement for black Americans, now pushes a scorched-earth political agenda based on cant, that is, hypocritical and sanctimonious talk, typically of a moral, religious, or political nature. While claiming to be champions of individual liberty and small government, they work to enact laws designed to limit the rights of any and all who do not agree with their narrow-minded ideology. Every initiative the party now supports involves telling Americans what they can't do.

3. From now on, Independents will be known as Chickens In Depends.
A final conflation of the common noun depends with Depends, the brand name of the well-known incontinence garment, describes the excremental workings of this nonaligned political entity.

These folks attempt to have things both ways. Unlike the venerable chicken that crossed the road for an unknown reason, these are free-range chickens. They boldly walk down the center line, choosing to dodge accountability left and right. There are not enough of them to constitute a majority at any level of government, but the outcome of many an election depends on where and when they drop their Depends and deposit their copious discharge of manure. This action often causes a sufficient number of politically aligned voters to swerve from the path leading to a desired outcome and instead to elect candidates who have no interest in their well-being. Ralph Nader and H. Ross Perot qualify as saints in the minds of the nonaligned, independent voting bloc, henceforth known as Chickens In Depends.

Sunday Funnies 141102

The Sunday Funnies phrase of the week is trust, but verify:

Trust, but verify is a form of advice given which recommends that while a source of information might be considered reliable, one should perform additional research to verify that such information is accurate, or trustworthy. The original Russian proverb is a short rhyme which states, Доверяй, но проверяй (doveryai, no proveryai).

1. Selective Trust Minus Any Effort To Verify

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2. Imprisoned by Blind Acceptance of Authority

Blind acceptance of authority can trap people in a false reality designed by authority figures to preserve their power. 

That dynamic is humorously presented in this cartoon. However, it's not the least bit funny when religious and political "leaders" aided by propagandizing media outlets use it to pit one group against another to keep both from discovering the deception which imprisons them.

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3. A Failure of Trust 

Those food labels and expiration dates are there for a reason, folks. It's not big government trying to tell businesses what to do. It's your government telling them to give you the information you need to make an informed decision.

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4. Hmmmm...Looks like a November recall is needed.

Some defective airbags are actually bloviating windbags.

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5. When there is no option to verify...

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6. The Non-Apology Apology

This is yet another ploy used to promote blind trust in and acceptance of authority.

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7. Treat me, or else IRS you for tax evasion!

You are entitled to laugh at this one.

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8. You can't teach algebra to a goldfish, and you cant teach ideologues to think.

Note: I intend to use the following, slightly-modified version the title above as a standard response to right-wing bullshit wherever and whenever I encounter it.

I'd supply links to the many facts which refute your bullshit, but it would be a waste of my time. Just as you can't teach algebra to a goldfish, you can't teach "true believers" to think.

I have verified the accuracy of that message. I trust you'll agree. If you like it, feel free to use it.

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9. Sometimes, it's better to take preemptive measures than to trust.

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10. When Verifying, Follow The Money

Optimism is one thing; historical perspective is another thing altogether.

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11. Who do you trust? (Whom do you trust? for my fellow grammar Nazis.)

Today cartoonist Steve Benson appears to have chosen to trust the emotional appeals of the fear mongers and to disregard the factual arguments presented by medical experts.

I'd like to ask Mr. Benson this simple question: Would you go to the likes of Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, or Rush Limbaugh for a colonoscopy based on where they consistently stick their heads?

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12. A Completely Different Kind of Trust

This one's just for fun.

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13. The Right to Vote is a Sacred Trust. Exercise it on Tuesday, November 4.

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